Monday, January 9, 2012

...break your own heart....

The world is shifting and changing and my heart is being ignited by so many things lately: my work, the outpouring of people, love and passion...

I have been thinking a lot about risk these days, as I watch people risk their jobs, their safety, their comfort.  I have been thinking to myself, what are we willing to risk for the world we desire? What are we willing to risk for the values we say we are committed to?  Because our dreams are going to take a lot more than smart analysis.  Our dreams will require us to feel and to mess up and make misakes and, most importantly... LEARN!


I have been thinking a lot lately about my bottom line, about my non-negotiables.  Elders and friends have deeply supported me in this process, and also gently, yet firmly, pushed me to have a hard-line of what is enough for me.  What will I take and when will I know I will not take anymore?  Change and transformation are both long processes and I am committed to us, but I am also committed to not being treated like crap forever.  It doesn't mean that I love you less or that I am less committed to this process or the values of accountability and transformation.  It just means that I have boundries..  I have limits and I have a lot of TRY and WORK-it-OUT in me and I also have a QUIT..!

I was in long silence for couple of months.  I kept thinking... "if I just try a little harder'"..  "just give it another coupel of months"... and "just make room for the feelings". Damn..!, because the truth is, we will never be done..!   So instead of dealing with how hard it would be to leave, instead of facing my broken heart and disappointment, I stayed.... way too long.....

I don't want to be someone you take for granted.

I knew too many people who are not being treated well, not being respected, not being cared for.  I don't want to be yet another woman to add to those statistics....

... so I will be brave..., brave enough to break my own heart..