When you had enough...!

There comes a certain point when you just know you’ve had enough...

You just fucking want to quit getting up in the morning because every day it's the same thing and it doesn't get better, only worse.

Mummy's Love...

When I think of a family,I can't help but think of my precious daughter.

She's growing up into a beautiful young lady, and I'm faced with the fact that soon it's time for me to start letting her go. There's nothing harder, yet more rewarding than letting go and watching your child 'fly'. Even when you want to be there to catch them when they fall...

...This kind of 'heart-broken', I can handle....

Sunday scribblings...

I have no trouble expressing my joys...they come out effortlessly, bobbing on the surface for everyone to see. But my hurts are a different matter...they lurk, they hide, they cling, they skulk. The bruises on my heart will fade away but the words you said hit so hard their impact will always remain...I must lure them out like fish in deep water; I must reel them out of the depths.

Baking helps me do this, and for that I'm grateful...

Hanya pada Mu...

Sesungguhnya, hanya Allah ku mengadukan rasa sedih dan susah ku.

Surah Yusuf, Ayat 86

Take my broken heart...

Lately, I've been lookin' through the windows of my heart and soul, and I can see there's not much left to hold; just an empty space surrounded by the pieces of badly broken heart that's forgotten how to love.

If I had the power to take my heart right out of my chest and show you how many pieces you broke it into, would that at least ruin your day?  I don't think so..

I'm prepared...

I'm prepared...

No matter how much I tried, I can't change someone that can't be changed.
Sometimes being single is the remedy for the drama and stress caused by your significant other.

Why I change...

There are only 2 reasons why I change...

1) I have learned for myself so many things
2) I have been hurt too many times

Everyone asks me, don't you wish? don't you hope? don't you dream?
...and my reply..."Yeah... I used to..."

Sadness in smiles...

People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain. Well, I have tried that...

I've tried hiding my sorrow and covering the sadness in smiles... and what I've learned is that when it hurts this much inside, my heart always has a way of showing it no matter how many masks I wear...

Where do I go from here...

I’m ready to move on.
Travel and go someplace new.
Someplace different.
Doesn’t have to be far away.
It doesn’t have to be some extravagant place…
I just want to go someplace where the people are new ...
A place where love and sacrifices are appreciated...

Hurt again...

The stupidest mistake in my life is thinking that the one hurt me the most, won't hurt me again.. (..sigh..)

Fear of reality...

If I can't solve it, it isn't a problem - its a reality. And sometimes reality is the hardest thing to understand and the thing that takes the longest to realize. But once it hits me in the face I'll never forget it. It will always be there in my memories and sometimes that is the best way to look at it.

Maybe...

Maybe they are right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was in over my head...Maybe I am the stupid one for ever thinking that you loved me, but maybe, just maybe, I am tired of being alone....

Footprints in my heart...

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon... They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints in our hearts, and we are never, ever the same again.....

Tomorrow is a blank page...

Yes, tomorrow is a blank page... just waiting to be filled with my dreams.

All I have to do is be myself and live the story of my own unique life.
Be proud, be confident, and most of all try to be happy...

Heart broken...

People may say no one ever died of a broken heart, but when you're suffering from one, it sure doesn't feel that way...at least initially.

What you don't see...

You see me with a smile on my face
You see me walk with an up-beat pace
You see me laugh in a mellow way
You see me speak of a joyful day...

But... what you do not see is the truth hidden inside me..

Don't be a fool...

I never thought you would let me down. Turns out I was wrong, and you were just one of those men to take advantage of my happiness and throw it away like a piece of garbage..

I

Someday....

Someday, you will love me like I loved you
Someday, you will cry over me like how I cried over you
Someday, you will want me...because when the day comes..I won't want you

I am done with it.

I just don't...

I don't try to be different because I am
I don't try to fit in because I won't
I don't try to lie to me because I'll hurt myself
I don't try to lie to you because that would hurt worse
I don't try to pay you attention because I do
I don't try to ignore you because I could not
I don't try to talk to yuo because you won't talk back
I don't try to try to smile at your because you turn the other way
I don't try to hug you, so I'll hug myself
I don't try to hit you, I 'll hit my pillow instead
I don't try to hate you, that would be impossible
I don't try to care for you but I do anyway (you just don't realise it)
I don't try to prove myself because I'll prove myself wrong

I don't try to say "I Love You".... because...
...its just not worth it...

Empty feelings....

GOD has a better plan... it wont be like this forever...

Go on.. Judge me..!

I'm too strong because I don't cry (not anymore..), too weak because I fall for people I shouldn't, I'm too selfish because sometimes I put myself first. I lie because don't always tell how truly I feel. I am quite because I don't always understand. I'm loud because I'm confused and don't know what to do. I'm kind because I'll listen and try to understand.

Yes, I'm a B**ch, I'm a B**ch because I say what I think...!

So, go on... JUDGE ME..!

The day you broke my heart...

One day you'll look back and think...."Damn! that woman really did love me.."

In pieces....

My heart was taken by you... broken by you... and now it is in pieces because of you...

Things that I dont have...

Today was just one of those days where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I dont have from you... LOVE...

Your clock is ticking...

Just let me ask you something... if I happen to walk out of this house right now and never come back, and just forget everything and leave it all behind, would you be OK with that?

Because I have 5 steps till I close that front door and you have 5 seconds to make up your mind... starting now...!

I am not that strong...

I know it seems like I am the strongest person who can get through with anything, but in reality inside I am fragile. I've had so many things 'thrown' at me, and each one has only made me 'crack'.

What I am afraid of is shattering...

Just remember that when nobody else was there for you, I was.
And when nobody else gave a f**k, I did. I believe in second chances and last chances, unfortunately, you don't recognize the difference between those too until its too late.

Two-faced...

I think I need another pair of glasses because I keep seeing a lot of people with two faces...

The most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets...

I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again,I didn't ask for it to begin. For that's the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets....

Not all scars shows... not all wound heals...

The tough thing about following your heart is that people forgot to mention that sometimes the heart takes you to places you shouldn't be. Places that are scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring. Sometimes your heart cannot take you to places that lead to happy ending. That's not even the difficult part; the difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal; you go into the unknown and once you do you can never go back...

Forgiving heart...

Time and time again, I forgave you. I've forgave you for things that I swore to myself I'd never forgive someone for... and here you are, still hurting me, and I still forgave you...

What's in your heart...?

Maybe sometimes I just have to say what's in my heart, not just what I think someone wants to hear...

Men...!

If I dress nicely, he says I', a snob. If I dress sexy, he says I'ma slut. If I argue with him, he says I'm stubborn. If I'm quiet, he says I'm stupid. If I call him, he says I'm needy and clingy. If he calls me, he says Ishould be grateful. If I don't make love to him, he'll say I don't love him. If I do, he'll say I'm so easy. If I tell him my problems, he'll say I am irritating. If I don't, he'll say I don't trust him. If I lecture him, he'll say I'm bitchy. If he lectures me, it's because he "cares". If I break a promise, I can't be trusted. If he breaks it, he had to. If I lie , he'll expect it to be over. If he lies, he expects to be given another chance either way...

...and the list goes on and on...


Men...!

Love or hate...?

You love me, then you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole. Is this a pretty accurate description of our relationship?