Monday, January 9, 2012

...break your own heart....

The world is shifting and changing and my heart is being ignited by so many things lately: my work, the outpouring of people, love and passion...

I have been thinking a lot about risk these days, as I watch people risk their jobs, their safety, their comfort.  I have been thinking to myself, what are we willing to risk for the world we desire? What are we willing to risk for the values we say we are committed to?  Because our dreams are going to take a lot more than smart analysis.  Our dreams will require us to feel and to mess up and make misakes and, most importantly... LEARN!


I have been thinking a lot lately about my bottom line, about my non-negotiables.  Elders and friends have deeply supported me in this process, and also gently, yet firmly, pushed me to have a hard-line of what is enough for me.  What will I take and when will I know I will not take anymore?  Change and transformation are both long processes and I am committed to us, but I am also committed to not being treated like crap forever.  It doesn't mean that I love you less or that I am less committed to this process or the values of accountability and transformation.  It just means that I have boundries..  I have limits and I have a lot of TRY and WORK-it-OUT in me and I also have a QUIT..!

I was in long silence for couple of months.  I kept thinking... "if I just try a little harder'"..  "just give it another coupel of months"... and "just make room for the feelings". Damn..!, because the truth is, we will never be done..!   So instead of dealing with how hard it would be to leave, instead of facing my broken heart and disappointment, I stayed.... way too long.....

I don't want to be someone you take for granted.

I knew too many people who are not being treated well, not being respected, not being cared for.  I don't want to be yet another woman to add to those statistics....

... so I will be brave..., brave enough to break my own heart..






Tuesday, September 20, 2011

When you had enough...!

There comes a certain point when you just know you’ve had enough...


You just fucking want to quit getting up in the morning because every day it's the same thing and it doesn't get better, only worse.


Monday, September 19, 2011

Mummy's Love...

When I think of a family,I can't help but think of my precious daughter.


She's growing up into a beautiful young lady, and I'm faced with the fact that soon it's time for me to start letting her go. There's nothing harder, yet more rewarding than letting go and watching your child 'fly'. Even when you want to be there to catch them when they fall...

...This kind of 'heart-broken', I can handle....

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Sunday scribblings...


I have no trouble expressing my joys...they come out effortlessly, bobbing on the surface for everyone to see. But my hurts are a different matter...they lurk, they hide, they cling, they skulk. The bruises on my heart will fade away but the words you said hit so hard their impact will always remain...I must lure them out like fish in deep water; I must reel them out of the depths.

Baking helps me do this, and for that I'm grateful...

Friday, September 16, 2011

Hanya pada Mu...

Sesungguhnya, hanya Allah ku mengadukan rasa sedih dan susah ku.
Surah Yusuf, Ayat 86

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Take my broken heart...

Lately, I've been lookin' through the windows of my heart and soul, and I can see there's not much left to hold; just an empty space surrounded by the pieces of badly broken heart that's forgotten how to love.
If I had the power to take my heart right out of my chest and show you how many pieces you broke it into, would that at least ruin your day?  I don't think so..


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I'm prepared...

I'm prepared...

No matter how much I tried, I can't change someone that can't be changed.
Sometimes being single is the remedy for the drama and stress caused by your significant other.